HELLO NORTHAMPTON. HOW ARE YOU? LAST TIME WE MET I WAS IN A VERY BAD MOOD. IF IT’S ANY CONSOLATION I ENDED UP IN HOSPITAL THE MONDAY AFTER. I WAS VERY ILL.

LET’S BURY THE OLD HATCHET ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT THE LABOUR CLUB SHALL WE? I’LL DO A PREVIEW OF THIS IS ALL I HAVE AND YOU CAN ALL SAY “HE LOOKS A LOT HAPPIER THAN WHEN WE LAST MET UP…”

SOME DETAILS? TRY HERE


EVERYONE IN MANCHESTER – GET READY TO MOP UP THE STREETS – I WILL BE ARRIVING THERE TOMORROW.

I am doing 20 minutes at a club GROUP THERAPY COMEDY in a venue called GORILLA in a city called MANCHESTER.

You can get your tickets here.

Here is a great story about a chimpanzee.


HELLO EVERYONE.

I am previewing DAVID TRENT: THIS IS ALL I HAVE again on TUESDAY NIGHT at LEICESTER SQUARE THEATRE.

It’s going to be a lot of fun. Not just me though, the king of garden landscaping JAMES ACASTER will also be previewing his brilliant new show LAWNMOWER. I saw it last Thursday and it was GREAT.

Show starts at 8.30 and costs FIVE POUNDS – FIVE POUNDS for both shows? 

YES. FIVE POUNDS FOR BOTH SHOWS. SPOILING YOU.


HELLO THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I’m previewing DAVID TRENT:THIS IS ALL I HAVE at the Islington Pleasance at 9.15 on Saturday.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT. HOW DO I GET TICKETS OR MORE INFO DAVID?

Calm down the world, just click here.


HELLO EVERYONE. WELCOME TO THIS.

TONIGHT…I am gigging at the White Horse Theatre in HASTINGS with THIS PRICK.

Why not come? Tickets are available here.

The gig is called BACK IN THE ROOM which is also the name of the new album by ex-jam bass player BRUCE FOXTON.

If, like me, you are a big fan of BRUCE FOXTON and have wanted to read a story of BRUCE FOXTON being ORALLY PLEASURED in a schoolroom toilet, let me also recommend STARLUST by Fred and Judy Vermorel in which you can read such a story, as well as many stories written by fans of BARRY MANILOW about having sex on a cruise ship with BARRY MANILOW. Great book. Like peering into the darkest sex recesses of the brain of the comedy man NATHANIEL METCALFE if he were obsessed with BARRY MANILOW and DAVID BOWIE.

So, EXACTLY like peering into the darkest sex recesses of the brain of the comedy man NATHANIEL METCALFE.


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